Widowhood and Sudden Death
August 30th, 2010
I have four women in my private practice whose husbands died during the past year. Each of them has a poignant story about the life they had shared together, the way they died, and how they are dealing with their loss.
The causes of their deaths were all very traumatic. One man died of a heart attack, dropping to the floor in front of his wife, who tried to revive him. Two had some form of cancer, pancreatic and brain tumor. Another man had a rare, disabling disorder that took his life within a year.
There’s some controversy about providing therapy for grief. It is considered a normal part of life, and therefore, not a “medically necessary condition.” I agree that many individuals can manage their grief on their own and don’t need to see a therapist. Some people have support networks including family, friends, churches and synagogues that give them opportunity to talk about their grief as well as help them with daily living tasks.
However, there are exceptions to every rule, and these women are among them Why? Because deaths that are sudden or unexpected are more traumatic. Also, when the diagnosis offers little hope of cure, grievers have little time to process the death before it happens. Therapy can help them review their experiences and express their feelings, such as anger, frustration, guilt, sense of helplessness, as well as sadness.
How a person dies, and what the relationship are important factors on how survivors deal with loss.
August 30th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
I agree with you that therapy is helpful. My husband died within a year and I’m convinced that therapy has helped me process all that happened and move ahead with my life even though it’s not the life I imagined. Thank you
September 3rd, 2010 at 9:43 pm
I am so glad you found therapy helpful, Thelma. I wish you well in forging a changed life and finding a new, and hopefully meaningful identity.
Sincerely,
Dr. Susan Berger
November 1st, 2010 at 12:14 pm
After my husband’s death, 10 months after the diagnosis, I felt lost, frightened and very sad and lonely. I sought your help and experience in understanding the loss, experiencing the sadness and loneliness and moving forward. Your book put things in perspective for my personality. I am grateful for having met you and your efforts in helping me to struggle through the grief. Your parting comments to me “We can never replicate the relationship that is lost, but we can find something different.” This gives me optimism and hope. My therapy has been rewarding for me.