August 30th, 2010

I have four women in my private practice whose husbands died during the past year. Each of them has a poignant story about the life they had shared together, the way they died, and how they are dealing with their loss.

The causes of their deaths were all very traumatic. One man died of a heart attack, dropping to the floor in front of his wife, who tried to revive him. Two had some form of cancer, pancreatic and brain tumor. Another man had a rare, disabling disorder that took his life within a year.

There’s some controversy about providing therapy for grief. It is considered a normal part of life, and therefore, not a “medically necessary condition.” I agree that many individuals can manage their grief on their own and don’t need to see a therapist. Some people have support networks including family, friends, churches and synagogues that give them opportunity to talk about their grief as well as help them with daily living tasks.

However, there are exceptions to every rule, and these women are among them Why? Because deaths that are sudden or unexpected are more traumatic. Also, when the diagnosis offers little hope of cure, grievers have little time to process the death before it happens. Therapy can help them review their experiences and express their feelings, such as anger, frustration, guilt, sense of helplessness, as well as sadness.

How a person dies, and what the relationship are important factors on how survivors deal with loss.

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August 5th, 2010

You have to be an animal lover to appreciate the wonder of animals and especially our household pets – whatever they are – cats, dogs, hamsters and guinea pigs, ferrets, parrots, canaries and finches. They bring love and beauty into our lives. They arouse our senses – touch, scent, sight, hearing — remind us of how we are connected to each other.

My two Siamese beauties are named Phoenix and Sedona, because after visiting Arizona and experiencing the beauty of the desert, the red rocks of Sedona, and the grandeur of the Grand Canyon, I had to hold on to the inspiration of these places, so foreign to my life in Washington, DC, and later Boston, MA.

What really matters? I think it is understanding our “relationship to the world.” As I wrote in my book, The Five Ways We Grieve, it is realizing our connectness to all living things, and what our place is in this in our universe.

Losing a loved one challenges this sense of who we are, and sets us on the path of finding our new identity. Our beloved pets can help us heal on this journey.

Have you had a pet that has helped you through difficult times? I welcome your comments

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